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Celine Dion Is A Smelly Toad Eater From Canada
Feature Tour 2000 - Muskogee, OK
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Featuring Merle Haggard as the opener
*please note that security will block off all park entrances so that inbound traffic does not interfere with those trying desperately to leave.
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Explaining It To Patrick
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Rare footage of Celine using a hand puppet to explain love and marriage to her stepson, Patrick. As it turns out, Patrick is 2 months older than Celine. Celine's husband is 26 years older than she is. Celine met her husband-to-be when she was 12. Um, where I'm from, we have laws against stuff like that.
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The Golden Calf - Celine's Top Ten Awards
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10)Howling at the moon between her vampire teeth
9)Beating enough bronchial mucus from her chest as she sings to lubricate the pistons of her tour bus for the next 5 years
8)Being slim enough to slip between the bars at the zoo and rejoin her family of the past
7)Made insurance salesperson of the year by taking out a multimillion dollar account on her vocal chords
6)Being french enough to talk through her nasal passages and inhale a creme de soufflet at the same time
5)Being french enough to write that corn
4)Using enough hairspray to put a permanent part in the Red Sea
3)Causing her parents to stop at 16 kids when they saw her, when they very well could have had a nice, round two dozen
2) Being able to hit more octaves than Monica Seles without having to chase a tennis ball around for 16 hours a day
1) Being able to sing "My Heart Will Go On" over and over and over and over and over and still find enough joy in life to muster the ability to go on at all
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